


Sunrise

by ASecretShipper



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Kylo Ren Redemption, Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22535920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASecretShipper/pseuds/ASecretShipper
Summary: After surviving the battle with Palpatine and almost losing their lives, Ben Solo and Rey are trying to move on from the horrors of War and rebuild their lives. While on the surface life is looking up, inwardly Ben struggles with reconciling his actions as Kylo Ren. He knows not everyone can forgive what he did, and despite wanting to change, he still finds himself quick to anger, his powers now a burden rather than a boon. His fears and insecurities creep in when he and Rey trek to her favorite spot in the early hours of a warm morning and have a conversation about the future.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Sunrise

# Sunrise

Two dark figures walked quietly through a sea of tall grasses on a wide open plain, taking careful steps through the darkness of the early morning. The sky was just beginning to turn from navy blue to a faint yellow on the horizon, and the wind rustled the grass gently - all around was a faint susurrus as the grasses swung to and fro. The figures trekked onward as the stars above slowly faded along with the night. The path through the field was narrow and fresh, a path made for one. The two figures walked single file along it, upwards to the topmost point as the hill became a sheer cliffside that crept higher and higher. Eventually, when they reached the zenith, the figure in front stopped and put a hand out, indicating a halt. The other figure slowed and stopped, waiting for further instructions. The first figure indicated to the ground, and they both sat down on the soft earth. From this high up, they could see a small town nestled amongst a tussock of hills that rolled up from the ground like the body of a great serpent. The huts and homes of the town were sheltered from the winds by the hills, leaving the town to feel separate and distant from the rest of the world - while outside the winds made the grass look alive, the town itself was still and silent. A yard of ships sat unmoving, the large round shape of the Falcon sitting protectively like a mother watching over her children. A few tall mountains became visible far off in the distance, outlined in pinks and reds by the rising sun behind them. A nearby planet was visible far off to the left, a small light blinking across it as a ship passed between them, the celestial body’s massive ice rings reflecting the rising sun. There was a moment of serenity, the calm before the waking hours of the day, and the whole galaxy seemed taken in its spell.

Ben Solo had never felt so at ease. He took in a deep breath, noticing for the first time the smells of the wind and the grasses and the soil. He was suspended in this moment, this morning.

“It’s beautiful.” he said quietly, more to himself than Rey beside him.

Rey smiled, “It is… And you always wondered why I would get up so early by myself.”

Ben chuckled and rubbed one eye, still fighting off the last vestiges of sleep, “Well, admittedly I could have gone without being up so early, but I suppose I understand now.” He yawned and stretched, trying to wake himself up. The warm morning air began to beckon him to sleep again. 

“It really is beautiful though.” Ben continued, “I didn’t realize how much of this I missed out on. Most of my time was spent between metal ships, cold marble palaces, dusty barren planets...” 

Rey pulled her legs up to her chest and sat her head on her knees, “It’s all new to me. All I really remember is sand, and the burning touch of the sun bouncing off it. This is my favorite spot when I need to think.”

“Do you always come up here by yourself?”

Rey nodded, “Just me. I only come in the mornings so I can watch the sunrise. Who else would I bring up here?”

Ben shifted uncomfortably, “Well I mean… probably Poe? Or Finn.”

She shrugged, “Poe would never willingly get up this early. And Finn… I think he prefers the hustle and bustle of everyone awake. It gives him purpose. He has less to think about, less need of the silence. Not that he wouldn’t enjoy the view, I guess.”

Ben nodded, and couldn’t help but feel relieved. He hoped Rey hadn’t noticed.

“Any reason why you asked me to accompany you this morning in particular?” Ben asked. “You get up early by yourself most mornings, I was worried when you woke me up too.”

Rey laughed, “Yeah, I could tell when you bolted up as soon as I touched you; you jumped up and almost fell out of bed. You had a real wild look in your eyes before you realized it was me. Did you think we were being attacked?”

Ben blushed slightly and turned away, looking embarrassed. “Force of habit. No one used to dare come into my cabin and wake me unless it was an emergency.”

Rey elbowed him in jest, “Well anyways, I’ve been wanting to bring you along for a while now. I waited so long partially because the warmer mornings are easier to get out of bed for.” Rey paused, considering, “But more than that… The cold mornings feel more isolating. It’s dead quiet - nothing moves. The silence is oppressive. And…” she glanced at Ben, “I didn’t think you needed to feel isolated and alone again. The warm days are alive, when the natural power of the force is most noticeable. I wanted you to experience that.” Ben took another deep breath and understood. 

Rey looked out on the horizon again. She was silent for a moment. “Every day that I get to come out here and look at all this is another day further from my previous life. I come up here to remind myself of how lucky I am now, to be where I am and with the people who matter most to me. I put the past behind me.” She smirked at Ben, “Wasn’t that something you once told me? To put the past behind me?”

Ben slowly nodded, mulling over her words and plucking the grass beside him absentmindedly. The smile that had been playing at the edges of his lips quickly faded, “Put the past behind us… funny, how easily I said those words at one point in time. I thought that was the answer to all of my problems. Funny how hard it actually is.” He took a blade of grass in his hands and began ripping it into pieces, brows furrowing. The serene and peaceful moment was slipping away as his thoughts troubled him.

Rey felt Ben’s mood sour, and put a hand on his knee, squeezing it softly. “Hey… you’re not that same person anymore.” She said quietly, guessing at what troubled him, “Kylo Ren isn’t who you are. You aren’t defined by that time in your life.”

Ben let the shreds of grass fall from his fingers, and placed his hand over Rey’s. It was warm to the touch, and with that connection Rey could sense the storm of emotions beginning to bubble over, feelings and thoughts that Ben had been trying to push down. She sensed flashes of pain, anger and rage, the feelings that he had let consume him for so much of his life. She sensed the guilt and the shame that he now felt towards that part of himself. 

“You say it wasn’t me, Rey, but when I think back to it… to how hard I tried to redefine myself, I realize that I was trying to run away from what, deep down, I always knew. It  _ was  _ just me. It was always just me.” His hand squeezed hers, as if his connection to her would take away the past he couldn’t face.

“People change Ben. You changed.”

Ben paused and tried to form into words the feelings that had been nagging at him.

“When I first was tempted by the dark side, I tried so hard to kill the side of myself that still cared for my family, my old master, everyone I had ever known. I thought it was weakness, and I wanted to burn away all weakness - to be left with nothing but a fiery passion that would consume anyone in my way. I threw myself into my training with Snoke, with the knights, and I buried any feelings of loyalty or love. I was told that they would only ever cause me more pain. I embraced my anger and rage, thinking they would temper my passion like iron in a forge. That I would come out the other side unbreakable.”

The words began to tumble like a waterfall, the dam suddenly broken, “I took the name Kylo Ren to finally be free of the burden of my family, and forge a new identity for myself. I split my soul into two pieces - Kylo Ren was who I wanted to be, and Ben Solo was the side of myself being pulled towards the light. My weaker half. I told myself that he wasn’t who I was anymore; outwardly I said that Kylo Ren had triumphed, and Ben Solo was dead. But I could never do it, I could never completely eliminate those feelings and that pull to the light. And then, when I finally saw that the dark side had never brought me the purpose or satisfaction that I had wanted, that it just hurt me and the people I cared about more and more... I tried to say that Kylo Ren was dead.”

“But I’ve never been anyone else. Kylo Ren isn’t another personality seduced by the dark side, Ben wasn’t the weak part of my soul. It’s always just been me. I’ve always been the weak one.”

Ben put his other hand to his face, and he wondered absently if Rey could feel through their connection the red hot sting of tears welling in his eyes. Regardless, the trembling of his hands betrayed him.

“And when I saw you, and saw how strong you were, I thought that pulling you to the dark side would prove, once and for all, that I had succeeded. That I was worthy of my grandfather’s legacy, that I could do what he didn’t. And I wanted someone with that kind of unwavering conviction at my side.” Ben laughed bitterly, “But I couldn’t convince you to stay. In the end, I think that’s what saved me.”

Ben took a few shuddering breaths and composed himself. Eventually he looked up and noticed the sleeping town in the distance. His expression darkened. “And I see how they all look at me. You believe I’ve changed, and they trust you, but…” Ben reached up with his other hand to touch the place where a long, jagged scar had once snaked down his face, “They still see Kylo Ren staring back at them. I will always be the man who hurt them, and I can’t just run away from that. Whenever they look at me that way, I  _ feel  _ their anger like poison in the air. It’s like I’m back in the First Order, everyone staring and silently wishing I was gone. The shame and anger I felt then, I feel it again. And I’m afraid of myself, afraid of those emotions resurfacing. I’ve already hurt too many people.”

Ben shook his head. “The allure of the dark side is the ability to let go. To be free of the shackles of the Jedi and their rules, and to embrace your emotions, however volatile they might be.”

“Rey, I am still the same person at the end of the day. I still have the power, the capacity to hurt. I still get the urge to lash out at others; it would be all too easy. And it terrifies me to think that if I can’t overcome this weakness, I could lose the things I’ve found. What finally  _ matters  _ to me.”

Ben turned his head slightly as though to look at Rey, but he couldn’t bring himself to look into her eyes after his admission of guilt. He couldn’t bear to see her look at him in disgust or fear again.  _ Monster.  _ Ben thought.  _ Like she used to say. I’m still a monster. _

Instead he looked up and stared off in the distance, eyes glazing over as his memories surfaced - in his mind he heard the screams of the people he had killed, saw them fall over and over again. The twisted face of his father was like a ghostly afterimage he couldn’t shake.

“What makes me worth more than everyone that I hurt? Why am I allowed to survive?”

. . .

“Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I wasn’t here at all.”

Rey suddenly grabbed Ben’s hand and squeezed it, hard. A flash of anger passed from her, and Ben, shaken from his reverie, turned to her in surprise. He chuckled, nervous, “You know, anger is not the way of the Jedi.”

“Well then it’s a good thing the Jedi are dead.” Rey retorted.

Ben pursed his lips and remained quiet. He finally brought himself to look her in the eyes, and instead of the disgust he worried he would see, as her anger faded instead he saw gentle concern.

Rey eased her grip, “Don’t ever say that again.” She admonished him softly. She shook her head and spoke again, louder this time, “I saved your life twice, don’t tell me that this-,” she gestured towards the streaks of silver in her hair, “will be all I have to show for it.”

In reaction, Ben’s hand reached up to touch the grey streak in his own hair that mirrored Rey’s. He thought back to the moment he got it, crouched over her lifeless form, the last spark of hope in his life quickly fading. The moment when he used his own life energy to pull Rey back from death. He wasn’t even sure he could do it, but he knew he had to try. As he concentrated on their force bond, it had felt like his soul was being set ablaze, used as raw fuel to pull Rey’s spirit back from the other side. But it was too chaotic to control, and he was near completely consumed by it before she came back from the brink. They kissed at some point in the chaos, Ben recalled, a shiver running up his spine. But he had worn himself too thin, and the remnants of his soul quickly drifted away. When she realized what was happening, Rey grabbed hold of their connection through the force and held fast, refusing to let go even as the dying embers of their souls dwindled from the effort. But right before they were both consumed, he felt a surge of power from somewhere, a soft reassurance, a feeling of peace… and then, nothingness. He and Rey woke up on the ground in that dusty, destroyed throne room, alone but alive. He had only noticed later the toll his efforts had taken - how the lines under his eyes had deepened, how his body had weakened, and how his otherwise jet black hair now sported a splash of white. He had seen the same effects doubled in Rey, thick bands of grey prominent in her disheveled hair, and dark, tired lines creasing her otherwise youthful features.

“I’m sorry.” Ben said at last. And he was.

“I know it can be hard,” Rey said, “We get these ideas in our heads about who we are, and when we have to change, it’s almost impossible to break away from the image we built up of ourselves.”

“There was a big part of me that wanted to run away from my abilities - I grew up a scavenger, and I couldn’t imagine myself being important. I thought the best thing I would accomplish in my life would be to just escape Jakku and start somewhere else. So when I was told that I had some greater destiny, that the Galaxy was somehow depending on me… I was scared.”

“And then, when you reached out to me and tried to pull me to the dark side, and I  _ wanted  _ to go with you, there was a small, dark part of my mind that thought; well, this is it. Scavenger Rey succumbing to temptation and letting everyone down. I knew I would never succeed at something this important.” She paused, “I do understand the allure of the sith - they promise you power and the ability to get revenge for the wrongs done to you. That’s hard to turn down.”

Rey locked eyes with Ben again, daring him to look away, “But I did turn it down, even though part of me wanted to take it. Because power isn’t everything. Having the ability to do something terrible isn’t what makes us monsters - it’s ignoring the pain that comes with our actions. I think once upon a time you were a monster. But already I can see that you have changed. You’ve become stronger just by realizing what you have the potential to do and choosing not to do it.”

Ben said nothing, stunned at her words. She thought he had changed. What did that mean for him? 

Rey shifted so that she was sitting right beside him. She leaned on him slightly and took his hand in hers, turning it and absentmindedly tracing the lines on his palm with her fingers.  _ Like an old soothsayer, reading my future.  _ Ben thought.  _ I wonder what she sees. _

“I think we need to determine our own destiny.” She said, as though reading his mind. Perhaps she had.

Ben snapped out of his stupor. “How?” 

“Well, your names have defined you for most of your life, right? You were a Solo in name, connected to Han and Leia. You were a Skywalker by blood, connected to Luke and Darth Vader. You were Kylo Ren by choice, connected to Snoke and the dark side.”

Rey shrugged, “For so much of my life, I was nobody. I came from nothing, had nothing,  _ was  _ nothing. And then I was told I was a Palpatine. An empty name from a family that, regardless of why, left me to rot on a desert planet and only wanted me for my powers.”

“So,” she continued, getting to her knees, “it seems to me that we need to choose new names that define who we  _ want  _ to be. We can’t erase our past. We can’t change who we were. But we decide how we want to move forward.” 

“You want a new name?” Ben tilted his head, then, despite his tumultuous emotions, a wry smile crept across his face, “What about Skywalker? Rey Skywalker. Has a sort of ring to it.”

Rey snorted and pushed him playfully as she stood up, “Yeah, I don’t think so. My relationship with Luke was… well, maybe not as bad as yours, but it was rocky. And besides, we’re trying to give up old names.” Rey watched the horizon, the sky becoming ever brighter as the sun approached.

“Well then,” Ben said, “What do you want to be? Who are you?”

Rey straightened her back and stared forward, waiting. “I’m Rey.” She said with a faraway look in her eyes.

“Rey who?”

Suddenly, as if summoned by his words, the sun had breached the horizon, and Rey was lit in the molten gold of the early morning sunshine. She smiled wide, and it was like the world had lit up with her. Ben sat staring, amazed. He tried to catch every detail, to save every bit of this moment in his mind. The way her eyes crinkled in the bright light, the way the wind pulled at her hair, her strong, confident pose.  _ One memory I can keep. _

Rey basked in the warm sunlight for a moment before speaking.

“Solana. Rey Solana”

“Solana. Like the sun.” Ben replied.

“Like a new sun, a new day, a new me.” Rey turned to Ben and offered him her hand. “A new us.”

Ben reached for her hand, and hesitated briefly. Rey could sense his fear -  _ What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t move away from my past? _

“Come on Ben Solana. If we can’t overcome the past, we will embrace it, atone for it, and learn from it. That’s part of growing - making mistakes and learning from them. Now please…. take my hand. Don’t make me ask twice.”

Ben looked up to Rey and smiled, a broad smile that wiped away all traces of doubt and fear from his face. He took her hand and got to his feet, standing beside her. He took her other hand as well and pulled them close to his chest.

“Thank you. Without you, I might still be trying to pretend I’m something I’m not. I don’t want to hide behind a mask anymore.”

Rey wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into an embrace. Ben wrapped his arms around her in response, pulling her in as close as possible. Time seemed to stand still, both of them marveling at how it felt to have someone truly understand. It was a long while before Ben finally pulled back, remiss to break the spell. But when he did, Rey reached up to pull him back in, grasping his face in her hands and kissing him. It was like lightning, and Ben found himself melt into it. There was a hum of energy that crackled around them as the force dyad lost themselves in the moment. Two souls closed into one, and the force was alive with their passion. Finally they broke away, and the hum died down as the energy dispersed.

Rey, smiling, grabbed Ben’s hand and squeezed it once more before turning to lead the long trek back down the hill. Ben quickly followed behind her, laughing. He felt his worries and fears ease, overtaken instead by his love of the scavenger girl who had brought him back from death itself.

Two figures, illuminated by the quickly rising sun, walked down the grassy path at the top of the slope, along the cliffs’ edge and towards the slowly waking village below. And the sun rose to greet the new day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this short story - I didn't really care much for Reylo before seeing TRoS, but after watching it I definitely couldn't stop thinking about how much I had wished Ben could have lived and struggled with his past. Redeemed villain angst, love it. Also, fuck me, I sure do love triumphant love stories with gorgeous protagonists, so sign me up, guess I am a Reylo now. This will likely be the only story I ever write about them, but hopefully if you are reading this you found something in this to like.


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